This Is How You Lose Her

It was one of the old Greek guys.

Back in the day, he said, we’d been cut in two, and our lot was to spend the rest of our lives in search of our other halves, the ones needed to make us whole again. That was it. As I lay there in the foetal position on the cold floor of my flat in a pool of tears, I felt cut down the middle. I hadn’t felt that kind of emotional pain in years. I thought I was too old for this shit.

Ever since Ross and Rachel popularised the break and it hit the mainstream, people have needed space to ‘work on their shit’.

I asked my mother what they used to do back in her day and she was like well they didn’t exist in quite the same way really. More a grave conversation followed by much lingering by the phone or the post box. So not that different, I proclaimed. I should think we were better at waiting, she said.

You know when you’ve stayed at home to receive a package of great importance and you’re waiting for the door bell to go so you can get on with your day and a message bleeps on your phone informing you that Guan tried but you weren’t home and Sorry we missed you! And you’re like Guan I’m here you tool, literally the only reason I’m…